As you can see from the title, I am an only child.

And as a child, I enjoyed being an only child...probably because I didn't know any better.

However, I think it has been a blessing and a curse to be an only child and for two reasons; 1 blessing being that I have an incredibly vivid imagination and the curse, when my parents and paternal Grandmother pass away it will only be me left.

 

As a child I had cousins to play with but when I went home, it was just me. When I would be alone in my room, I would often make believe I had many friends, I even had an imaginary friend as a child. Life was great! But this imaginary make believe friend thing didn't stop there...as a child, I mean.

 

When I am alone, I may still have imaginary....ok, I still imagine I have friends that I really don't have, but its not on the level you may initially think. Let me explain this further, because I am sure someone is like Tamia is a certified loon! LOL

 

The people I imagine are my friends are celebrities. I'm sure I am not the only one who does this! Celebrities have taken over mass media, so they're every where! I follow a few on social media mostly to understand who they really are as people and not the full persona they often display.

 

So as you can see, I'm not crazy...or am I? Who cares. I am me.

 

There is no obsession with these celebs, from what I see on their social media accounts I think we would mesh well as friends.

 

In no particular order here are the celebs I think I would mesh well with:

• Ruby Rose "Model, Actress & Bad Ass" - I feel like me and Ruby would go to cool concerts and dress very fashionable but look like we really didn't try, even though we put a little effort into our wardrobe and hair. She looks so cool and carefee in all of her instagram photos and I think that is so bad ass.
• Taraji P. Henson "THE Cookie Lyons" - So, Taraji would be my friend that's more like an Aunty. She would give me great advice about life and how to conquer it. She is killing the game right now, and I feel like she is so humble and would gladly take on the Aunty role for me. LOL
• Trinity Fatu and Eva Marie "Sexy & Strong" -  This is a two for one combo. These ladies are wrestlers and I love looking at their ig pages because they make being strong look so sexy! They would be my gym friends, we would go to the gym and lift and they would hold me accountable for everything that I eat. And I would probably do everything they said because, they could beat me and Honey up at the same time. YIKES!
• B. Scott "Mr. or Ms. Know it all" - Ok, so hands down B. Scott is going to be my good Judy! Judy meaning my fabulous, androgynous and funny friend. He is flawless, humble and he always brings the tea! Plus, he is really good friends with Mariah Carey!!! So, I am sure I would meet her...duh! LOL
• Rihanna "Dance Hall Queen" - So Ri would be my crazy party gal friend! We would hit all the hot spots and just have fun. When I want to let my hair down, I would call her. (For obvious reasons, that don't need to be stated)
• Kim K. "Ya'll Already Know" - I love to hate her, but I have to say I have always admired her style. Even before Kanye and Kris! LOL I don't like what she stands for, but I like her outfit of the days for sure. So, she would only be used when I was going some where and needed some fashion advice.
• Courtney Kerr "Southern Fashionista" - We have that southern twang, she dresses to the T's, and she seems like a good ol' southern girl. I think we would be really good friends for all these reasons.
• Tokimonsta "Producer & DJ" - Her shows look so fun! Her music is amazing and it would be so cool to see how she gets her inspiration. (Honey and I are going to see her next month!!)
• Latoya Forever "YouTube Sensation" - In her vlogs, she is so down to earth. She is just a twenty-something year old living life with her husband, kid and framily (friends and family). She is the reason I want to vlog my life experiences...and stay tuned for that because its going down very soon!

Now these are only a few, I have like a zillion others but this blog would be super long! The moral of this story is, never lose your imagination. As adults, we often forget what its like to be an adolescent, teenager, and young adult. And that happens with age because we have so much on our plates, but remember to never stop having fun...even if you're alone.

 

Who is your imaginary friend? It can be a celebrity or even someone you admire from afar. Leave a comment below. :-)

Reasons Why I Love My Mom

Today is my Mother's birthday and of we are celebrating by....SIKE! My Dad surprised her with a trip to Cozumel, Mexico so guess who is stuck dog sitting in Greensboro, NC? ME.

 

But she deserves it, as she does so much for our family. So, enjoy Mom and bring me something back...preferably with a worm in it!

 

I love my Mom because:

 

1. She chose me, she gave me life!

2. She didn't give up on me when I didn't see it her way (which was the right way)

3. She let me figure things out and then I would think (because I would never say) you were right

4. She would give me her last

5. As she has done before, just to see me happy

6. The nights she prayed for me when I needed it

7. The times she read me bed time stories

8. How she always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be

9. The way she consoled me when I dropped out of law school and felt like I had no purpose

10. All the fashion advise I may or may not have taken

11. For helping me trash talk anyone who made me mad

12. all the countless times we may share a thought and no one says anything, but we just know

13. For giving me her bad eyesight and now I have to find new statement pieces as eyewear (I am excited about this one)

14. I love how strong she is

15. and when I am weak she always has it together

16. she thinks I am wonderful, smart and pretty (we all need to hear that sometimes)

17. how she keeps it real, even when I am so past it

18. how she has shown me a great example of what a mother is

19. she has taught me how to balance a checkbook, now do I always do it? No, but I know how

20. she told me, if you can't get it off your mind...buy it

21. she always tells me to save my money...revert to #20

22. She cooks everything just right

23. She shows how someone can be truly self-less
24. She likes trap music and God
25. She encourages me to be my very best
26. She lets me know regardless of my failures she is proud of me
27. She has reared an amazing woman..me of course
28. she is a wonderful wife
29. because she has her own style
30. because she does all of these things and more repetitively without a single moan or groan.

I love her more than anything or anyone in this world and the only thing she has not taught me, is how to live without her when she is gone.

Cherish your mother, give her a call today. I love you Mom!

*This post was written on September 29, 2015

 

This Is No Ordinary Love

Just like Sade says, "This is no ordinary love".

And when my parents would play this song when I was younger, I didn't realize the message.

I didn't understand the lyrics, the love in her voice or the emotion she felt when she sung this song.

Now I do.

 

 I have found a love that I have never known before. I know I have talked about Honey in the past, but as we grow and life continues to happen to us, my love just continues to grow for him.

 

We have a love like no other. We do everything together. LITERALLY. It is rare that you see me without him. And I love that. I used to be the girl who would pitty the girl who was always with her boyfriend or significant other, but I get it now. And I don't mean we are always together in that co-dependent sort of way, its in the way that's so perfect, so real. We genuinely love being in each other's company.

The other day I was off from work and as I laid in the bed thinking about my honey, I thought to myself..."Girl, you have it bad" I miss him when he is at work, like I am never going to see him again. This is how I know this is no ordinary love. This love runs DEEP, deep down into my being and I don't want this feeling to ever go away.

The feeling I feel for him so is organic, it happens so naturally. He encourages me, prays with and for me, he teaches me things that he may learn and just all around balances me. I feel like Jill Scott wrote those songs for me, you know the songs..."He loves me", "The Way" and even "Crown Royal" on a frisky day because that's how I feel about him.

I never thought I would ever find my soul mate, I didn't believe in soul mates...I thought that was just a thing people who are "deep" referred to their significant others...now I know different.

He brightens my day with his mere presence and yes, he annoys me at times but in those times, I want him near. This thing here, is deep! And I don't see it fading anytime soon because it grows everyday. Everyday I find a new thing about him, and I fall deeper and deeper into his spell. He has me. All of me and I don't want this feeling to end.

He is so caring and patient. Patient in a way that he knows what I need. Its like he was made especially for me, like God molded him especially for me. Now see, I know God is good and God is great but he burst the mold when he made Honey! And once again, that saying that everyone says...there is somebody for everybody...let me be the first to tell you that its true! God made him for me and me for him too.

I don't regularly express my emotions on this subject in such detail and so publicly but I can't contain this feeling that I have. I'm the only one, you're the only one just a couple of forevers is what I am waiting for(in my Chrisette Michele voice).

This is no ordinary love.


New Job and New Adventures

Time flies when you're busy!

How well do I know this phrase...I think I made that up, so cite me when you use it! lol

I started a new position for the summer with The Queen's Foundation, a local non-profit and boy, have they kept me busy! I am so excited about the job because I get to combine the two things that make me smile...planning events for them as well as being a positive light to young girls.

 

So, I have added more to my busy plate but it has been very rewarding. These young girls are so smart, and what this organization does for them is remarkable. I guess you can say, I have fallen in love with these girls and the organization itself. The director and founder is amazing. She is truly self-less and gives her all, which makes me want to do the same.

 

This position is for the summer, and soon it will be ending...insert sad face....HERE.

 

But, once it is over I think I will go on a vacation! Honey may not be able to go with me and that makes me sad. Or we could potentially cut it short, but I need at least a week!

 

One of my closet friends is moving to Los Angeles and I told him I would visit him before his class starts, so that may be my get away!

 

Nothing has been new with me, just living and working. I thought I should check in and say hey!

 

Stay blessed and live to the fullest....XOXO

Keep Your Head Up: An Ode To My Friend

Life. 

 

If you Google what "life" means, you will see...."the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death."

 

If you are just reading this and taking this for face value, none of this will resonate with you. And to be completely honest, the only thing that stands out to me is the "continual change preceding death" part. Whomever wrote this definition or this one part that stuck out to me, either wrote this as blandly as possible just have a short and sweet definition or they haven't been through any real life struggle. I mean how humdrum is that last part? If you ask me, its VERY!

 

The overall definition is disconnected from any social norm I am used too.

 

Life is so much more than continual change preceding death. Life is beautiful, fun and has so many adventures...I mean the possibilities are endless with this thing called life. I have a couple of people in my circle who are experiencing the downside of life right now, meaning things aren't going their way. I can completely understand their plight, I have had things fall through or not even come to pass in my favor. 

 

What I want them and the reader to know is trouble won't last always. And I want to take back my statement of "downside" to life because there is no downside of life when you can open your eyes and take a breath. And I know you're thinking, 'yea, but that's easy for you to say...you're not going through anything'. Well, that's the problem. You have to take yourself out of negative situations and having a pessimistic mind.
 

 
 

The beauty of life is the unknown. I have fully embraced the unknown and honestly, I feel as though my life has completely done a 180 from last year. I tried to plan life, and I had a rude awakening when nothing went as planned. I had no job which caused monetary issues, I moved back home to Greensboro (which ended up being a blessing) the one place I tried to run from ended up being the very place that saved my life. I was able to surround myself with family and friends, and although my situation didn't change overnight...never the less it changed.

 

I am not ashamed of my story and if you ever meet me, I will and can go deeper into my testimony because I look at everything I went through as an opportunity to help the next person.

 

What I am trying to say is, no matter what life throws at you, no matter how bad things seem...never give up! Never stop praying. If you don't believe in Jesus Christ, my Lord & Savior, believe in someone. And pray to that person for guidance and strength. And you can overcome any adversity that presents itself in your life.
 

 
 

You're going to have bad days, I know life is not sunshine and butterflies everyday, but

 everyday you wake up is another chance at life. Another chance to overcome your struggle, another chance to right a wrong and another chance to live and become the person you truly want to be.

 

Don't you know that diamonds are made under pressure? This trial you are going through is merely a test, and I cannot wait until you can share your testimony with the next person because when you can openly share with someone and see the expression of hope come across their face, it is PRICELESS.

 

Love and Light to all, especially my friend.

 

 

Nothing Was The Same: How Today's Generation is Oversexed, Lack Morals & Self Respect

 

This blog is not for the naïve, faint of heart, clueless or unaware people of the world. They just won't get this...

 

As a young twenty-something living, working and trying to do good in the "hood", I have noticed a lot of debauchery in the world and especially with my generation. If you aren't sure what generation you are in, I'm sure if you're reading this blog you are a Millennial. If you were born within the years of 1981-2000 you are apart, connected, grouped with the youth of today. You know the ones that don't have a type, but the only women they like are bad....you know the rest.

 

This is our youth, we are one. But have you wondered why there has been a slight curve within the millennial group? Money, cars, clothes and sex have always been a popular topic with the masses, but with this generation...from personal experience and mere observations, the millennial babies have taken this and literally ran with this for decades and its only becoming more of an issue.

 

SPOILER ALERT: I am going to touch on the reasons why I think this generation is oversexed, lack morals & self respect....or respect in general.

 

Let's state the obvious, I am a Millennial. The things that I am going to talk about, I probably thought was cool or acceptable. It has only been since I have opened my eyes and in other words, matured have I seen the light.

 

I am not going to sugar coat anything, our generation is completely oversexed. I had a conversation with a cousin a few months back and we both came to the reason why our generation is oversexed....now you may not agree with us, but our take raises valid points. Today's generation are followers. Followers in the sense that having more followers on social media makes you relevant, important in some sense. How do you get more followers? Sex appeal. Sex appeal is the end all and be all on social media. Which in turn makes everyone trying to obtain that validation of "being somebody" go above and beyond (Buzz Lightyear voice) on these networking sights.

 

I have seen women bare it all. I'm sure you have too. I have seen pen (short for penis) pictures circulating and greasy six packs as well...and I think to myself...don't these people know that once you post something online, its embedded online forever!...unless you have Beyoncé money and can pay someone to delete it. But, most people in the world aren't banking to that extent and cannot afford that, so that scantily clad outfit, penis pic and whatever else one choices to post for a like will be there when you apply for a job, and most importantly...for your children to see. (Someone is rolling there eyes...right about...NOW!)

 

The youth is also oversexed because...well...its EASY. Today, a man doesn't have to work and court a woman like in the olden days of the Baby Boomers or Generation X. They're all consumed with being a "baddie" or a "woe" (I may have used that out of term, because I'm not sure exactly what that means lol) It's like the more people you have sex with, the more clout you have and to frankly speak, that's disgusting.

 

Standing on my soap box: The reason I think this generation is so oversexed is because of the media. The way they portray celebrities. Think about it, lets take Beyoncé...she is a phenomenal performer, she is gorgeous. The media has put her and other gorgeous women of Hollywood on a pedestal & that leaves the average woman of the world left seeing her brother, dad, cousin, & significant other ogling over this woman (& the many others) and she internally wants to reproduce what she sees. And what does she do? She changes her image. She buys clothing that mimic what she sees and what she thinks will get her the attention of the opposite sex. And I don't mean dressing in barely there clothing, it can be anything that gives her that confidence she needs to feel like somebody.

 

Then you take the young man, he wants the money, cars and clothes to mimic the celebrities he sees with all the women. And he does the same as what the girl does who idolizes Beyoncé. This is a mixture for disaster because now you have young people fueled with the same desire. The young male is just trying to have clout within his friends to have this girl and that girl and goes out to find these women....notice I used THESE & WOMEN, in the plural sense.

 

Now our young man has found our young lady that we spoke about in the beginning and she easily and willingly gives up her precious gift thinking she may have found the one or just a good time. But the young man isn't solely interested in her and seeks the thrill of the next young woman who is mimicking what she sees in the media. And this my friends is a cycle. These young women make it so easy for these young men because there are a lack of morals and self respect. And I cannot put it all on the young women because we see the male is apart of the problem as well.

 

What happened to knowing your worth...and I mean that for both sexes. One answer, the media. People don't believe or they simply avoid the power of media, it can be a good thing and then the media can be as evil as the devil. And that's why its so important why we as a generation open our eyes and see that wealth, sex and importance don't stem from materialistic entities and the more you chase after that golden horse, the less happy you'll be and you'll be another fatality of the media.

 

At time in my life, I was naïve and I thought those things made me, I wasn't important without labels or knowing what celebrity did what...but it wasn't until I realized what truly is going on in the world and how lost our generation really is, that I decided to make myself aware of our issues. With writing this blog, if  I can get one person to step back and think, that could change the direction of our generation. And when I say "think" I don't mean you have to agree with me....I just want you to THINK. Step away from yourself and really evaluate yourself. Are you putting too much emphasis on the what nots of the world?

 

LET'S BE PROACTIVE MILLENNIALS!

 

 

 

 

 

WE are STRONG, WE are POWERFUL, WE are FORTIFIED!

As always, my weekend was slam packed! I am in NO way complaining because...just this time last year I was down and out and was just lost in life. It is so crazy how God can turn things around for you when you completely give him all the control in your life.

So back to my weekend! I had been running around tying up loose ends for a event here, there and not to mention my part-time counseling gig. But on Saturday, I helped my trainer put on her first Women's Health Expo. It was amazing! There were vendors from Arbonne (All natural weight lose and cosmetics), Cone Health (Hospital), DoTerra (Natural Aromatherapy Oils) mini testimony: my thumb and wrist have been hurting me since last November, Casey (DoTerra rep) gave me this cream and in literally in moments my wrist and thumb felt better...no lie, Saladworks, Lowes Food, Macy's, Boho Blu (Clothing Store) and one more vendor I forgot.....sorry. Anyway you guys get the point. We had a consignment sale and massage therapist giving away free massages! It was an overall wonderful event and I know April will continue to build this event and her business, because for a first time event....I think it was awesome.

Although everything was a amazing, one woman stood out to me. Her name is Jean Bailey Robor. When April first told me she was going to be one of the speakers and that she was the author of "She Has A Big 'But'", I totally thought she would be speaking of having a big butt (literally) and giving tips on how to deflate that thang!

However, I was wrong. Jean spoke about being empowered and conquering fears, hence the play on words...."She Has a Big 'But'". Afterwards when we had some down time and could network and talk to each other, she randomly came up and began a conversation with me. Although I am outspoken, I have to muster up a tremendous amount of effort to introduce myself to people. Having said that, I am glad she did. We started off with light chatter about April and how wonderful the event was and etc. And then we started talking about a product that her daughter and her daughter's husband sells called Beard Strong....how ironic is that?

Everyone who knows me well, knows Honey has a beard that I HATE! Its scratchy, long and just yucky!....its not bad, he keeps it well groomed, I just have to make it sound good. But I got information on this Beard Oil so I could of course take it back to Honey and this can be yet another product he uses on his beloved beard.

But then we just began to talk. And you know how you talk to someone and it's never a dull moment and you chat and chat? Well that's what happened. We left each other to mingle some more and surprisingly at the end, she gave me a signed copy of her book. I was truly honored as she told me she always finds one person to give her book to and she chose me for this event. I thought that was so sweet! You just don't meet genuinely sweet people like Jean anymore.

Moving to Sunday. I had to work my counseling gig and had some down time, so I decided to whip out Jean's book. I was so caught up in the book, I completely read the entire book in one sitting. It was so moving. It was about 15 short stories about different women who had BIG 'BUTS' in their lives and didn't have the courage or strength to want better out of their respective situations until they found strength in themselves they didn't know they had to do better and ultimately fly into their destinies.

This book is what I needed at this particular time. I am a naturally motivated person but sometimes I get weary and need some extra motivation and that's exactly what I received from reading this book. Each woman in this book can be relatable to each reader and that's the beauty of it....its just real. Its honest and open. Jean doesn't hold back or I guess I could say these ladies don't hold back on their shortcomings and become transparent, which is often what we as women deflect from. We like to portray we live wonderful little lives just to put on a show for others. Obviously, if you allow yourself to be transparent, you can not only help yourself but most importantly help someone else.

Overall my weekend was amazballs! And I loved and enjoyed making a new friend. I suggest everyone, men included to check out Jean's Website and her books. They were so inspirational and uplifting and that's what the world needs a little more of!

Love & Peace

"How you gonna tell me no?!" Is Rape The New Thing?

 

 

Where are all the real rappers?

 

You know the ones that actually have more to say besides rapping about the money, clothes, cars and you cannot forget the hoes!

 

Well this morning I awoke to yet again some disturbing lyrics that have been floating around and surprisingly to me, they are once again involving the sensitive subject of rape. I mean you think these rappers would be past or above a topic like this. Didn't they learn from Rick Ross and his molly all in your drink lyrics?!

 

Well I guess not, because Rich Homie Quan added some suspect lyrics in a song that was leaked that hasn't been released yet.

 

I first heard of this on my yahoo news....I am addicted to yahoo news and I normally get emails with what's been going on in the world while I've been sleeping and I read it religiously every morning. But enough about me and back to the matter at hand.....

 

So Rich Homie Quan is one of the newbies out in the rap game, but he is quite popular in the hiphop culture....(for those who are looking at his name like what the what) Yea, I was the same way before he made it mainstream when my little cousin told me she was at the beach hanging out with him....that is a completely different story lol

 

I cannot lie, his songs do have very nice beats and that's what lures you in first. Once the beat is good and has you nodding your head is when you may sit down and listen to what they're really saying. I am guilty of this. I may not even listen to the words, I may only focus on the beat and then months later I am like, I was jamming to this?!

 

Now down to the nitty gritty....these lyrics are graphic and some can say that they are to be taken light heartily but in actuality once you read these lyrics, you may change your mind. The lyrics are posted below.

 

Quan raps on the track:

“Don’t want your ho, just want that cookie from her/She tried to resist so I took it from her/How you gonna tell me no/You must not know who I am/Even if I’m on the road I see what's goin’ on cause you know I got cameras/ I don’t know no questions but I know the answers/I throw these black fists just like a panther.”

If you're interested in hearing the song, here is the link: I Made It

Now having read these lyrics what do you think?

 

In my opinion, these lyrics are very distasteful. These artist need to know that music is powerful and the young fans and some of the adult fans, take the lyrics to heart.

 

Think about your favorite artist, when listening to particular lyrics your mood can be changed. You can go back to a time when you were most happiest, you can also hear a song and become mad at the world. Music is powerful and these artist don't see how their words or wordplay can affect people in positive and negative ways.

 

These lyrics show me that Quan has no problem with raping someone, if she says no. And when heard by young men who aspire to be like him, this can be a recipe for disaster!

 

I am a full time Event Planner by day and a part-time counselor at youth home. This past Monday night, I had group with four young men and one young lady and the topic was about lyrics to songs. I am not even making this up! They all but one told me that they take what these artist are saying for face value, meaning they believe what these artist say and hold it to a high standard.

 

I attempted to tell them that some of these things artist say are false, they have never done something's and its all to gain fans and etc. But when you are 15 and 16 years old, who would you believe? Beyoncé, Jay-z, Quan or me? I thought so....so that's why its important to stand against an artist when they say things that can be taken out of context because these kids will think rape is ok and shooting someone is a natural occurrence in life. (Which many of the youth that I work with do...its so sad)

 

I have also been on some social media forums and the question about Rich Homie Quan's lyrics were discussed. Some people feel the same as me and think that something should be done about lyrics and then you have some people who say, the lyrics are being looked at too closely and they shouldn't be phased because its just a song.

 

I respect everyone's opinion, but that doesn't mean I have to agree and that goes for the people who disagree with me. But I think if we as people don't crack down on artist and their negative lyrics, then we will have an epidemic of unruly children who will not have the sense to know the difference between right and wrong and will ultimately become criminals. The more we turn our backs and say well people are looking too much into songs, movies and everything else the media pushes, the more ignorant we become.

 

The same people who take songs lightly will be the same ones crying when their sons hear this song or other songs and rape/kill someone or will be upset when their daughters have been raped/killed.

 

Rape, killing and deceiving people are never ok. But some artist continue to glorify these things in songs and will have this next generation all messed up. The children are supposed to be our future and just think once we are older, what will these children do? Who will these young children be? Who will be our leaders when we are too tired and old?

 

These are things people take lightly either because they don't believe that their kids can reach that level of success or they just haven't grown enough to realize, their parents will become old and they will have to take on worldly matters one day.

 

Either way, I digress. Let me know your thoughts on the lyrics, the song and any other source of media that turns you off. I am always up for a good discussion.

By the time I finished this blog, Rich Homie Quan has made a statement saying he never meant for it to be released and he is pursuing legal action on a cease and decease for the song....oh and he apologizes and doesn't condone rape at all...... 

Mean What You Say & Say What You Mean

You would think that the phrase in my title would be effortless and natural to some people, but in actuality....unfortunately.....it's not!

 

Now, I live by this phrase. It comes natural to me and maybe it's because of the way I was reared (I am not a animal I was reared...not raised). Anyway, that was your lesson of the day! (LOL) But back to the topic....yes, I was taught to always tell how you feel. Never suffer in silence and to always be honest. So, when someone doesn't do something that they say they are going to do, it sets my soul on FIRE! Literally.

 

I was also taught that if you don't have a pot to piss in and a....well you know the rest...that you will always have two things. One being your GOOD  name and your word. My dad preached this to me numerous of times, and as I have gotten older I completely understand the logic.

 

Your name is everything. There is no one on this earth that can say anything negative about me. You cannot do it. I treat everyone with respect and sometimes if I am feeling jazzy, I even go out of my way to be extra polite. Do I have days were I am not feeling and I have attitudes....well duh, I am a woman with raging hormones at certain times of the month or even day. Of course you will have some people say negative things about you but, that's life and none of that resonates with me because those people don't really even know me.

 

However, in light of my ramble....I will always keep my word. Your word is bond. If you go around making and giving false hope to people who really rely on your word and take your word as being gold....as I do with other people, then you should stay true to that. Never and I mean never tell someone you are going to do something and you do not come through....after enough times, that person will see you as a LIAR.

 

I don't know about you guys, but being called a liar is ONE of the most despicable things to me. I mean there are some other words that could be said to me that could really hurt, but liar is one that I take to another level because that is a stab at my character.

 

I do not understand how people can give false hope knowing that their intention was never to manifest into anything of substance....maybe I am thinking to deep or maybe not. But in today's society, a lot of people my age take things for face value and don't have morals or standards to adhere to.

 

But as my ramble on keeping your word ends.....just remember if you take nothing from this post, just be true to yourself and keep your word.

Randomness and Nothingness

Per usual, I am busy!

 

I am always busy now and that's a great thing considering last year, I was sitting in the house wishing I had something to do. The past few weeks, I have had three events! And two of them were only a day apart. And I know you're thinking..."Well isn't that what event planners do?" well, yes. Yes, it is. However, I am new to this event planning stuff and in the past my events have been spread out by a month or so.

 

I am no way, shape or form complaining about being busy but I do wish I had more time in a day.

 

Just thinking about what I would do with more time in a day!

 

I would hang out with friends more. I can't get enough of Honey so you know he will be along for whatever ride I take.

 

I would workout more, because lord knows I haven't seen the gym in about two weeks...but I have managed to lose five pounds and keep them off.....I must be doing something right! Oh and of course I would blog more!

 

Today I had time to catch up with my good girlfriend....I think saying bestfriend is so cliché! So I'll say, Good Girlfriend lol She is a super mom and super business lady, she and her husband own their own restaurant in Durham. It's a cute Mexican Restaurant named El Coyote. WARNING SHAMELESS PLUG.....If you are ever in Durham, NC stop by, the food is really good and authentic.

 

But enough of the shameless plug and back to the story....so we were chatting it up about the currents in our lives, when she says "I want to start a blog". I have already gotten my other girlfriend to start a blog and it's called Figuring Things Out (click on the link to check it out...it's a really good read). Of she worries about what to write about and I tell her to just WRITE! I told this to my girlfriend who has just started her own blog and someone told me this tid bit as well when I first started.

As you all can see my blog is a true lifestyle blog...my interpretation of that is that I write about whatever comes to my mind. So, having said that...watch out for her blog and check out the link above for more good reads.

Girl.....No She Didn't!

 

A few days ago I came across a video of a young woman who was speaking on how black women should do better. This video wasn't slandering on the black woman, because I wouldn't have gone for that AT ALL. But, it was just stating how we need to uplift each other and stand together because everyone knows, divided WE fall. She touched on how we compete with each other, don't give compliments or props when they are due, and even the dirty looks when we see each other in passing. I loved this video merely for her courage to address the situation and bring it to light when WE sweep it under the rug.

 

I knew I wanted to write about it and give my two cent but put the idea on the back burner until this past Saturday night.

 

For those who don't know, I am a Event Coordinator. And this past Saturday I coordinated an event at a event hall that had multiple events going. While I was standing in the hall of the venue gathering my guest inside our venue room, I saw a stunning black woman sashaying towards me. She was leaving one of the events that was also taking place. She was tall, her hair was flawlessy up in a top knot bun and her face was beat to the God's!

 

I smiled at her as she got closer, only to have her side eye me and roll her eyes as she stuck her nose up in the air. She looked at one of my guest and myself as if we were scum under her shoe, as if we were the help, as if I had stole the guy she was walking with, as if I told her she smelled of salami and vinegar....ok, you guys get the point. LOL I was so taken back by this, because I had just watched a video on this very thing.

 

I was actually kind of hurt because, some of us will never get it. As black women, we are the most disrespected people. At birth we already have two strikes against us: 1. We are female 2. We are black. We have to be better than the best to make it in this world. Our own black kings don't respect us. Listen to the music...it's always Bitch this or hoe that and we glorify this music, these rappers, and society by doing what? Overlooking it and bobbing our heads to the music. I will admit, I was one of them bobbing and even singing the lyrics but I didn't get it then....not the way I get it now.

 

I don't have children but one day I will, whether they will be male or female I will teach them the importance of unity in the black community so maybe one day they can go out into the world and make a difference.

 

I know some people reading this won't get it or will somewhat understand but won't change their outward manifestations and if this is the case, I guess they really just don't get it....but I hope we as black sisters can correct our attitudes towards each other and realize that just because the next black woman is shining and doing well, doesn't mean that your light has to dim. If anything, use it as a torch to reignite your own. Always lift up the next person because divided we fall.

 

Love,

 

Your Black Sister

 

If you are interested in the video......https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipGjLEGcIVo

By The Way....

I would like to take the time out to show case my cousin....I won't say her name but I know she reads my blogs...My cousin is about to graduate with her Masters! She has had ups and downs but she has always remained focused and resilient. I want to let her know, how proud of her I am. She doesn't know this, but I look up to her as a woman. I also would like to congratulate her on her One Year Anniversary of being apart of Delta Sigma Theta!

Moving Up and Out!

 

Also on my hiatus, Honey and I decided to actively look for places to live.....together...as a couple...we will be a couple who lives together....FINALLY.

 

This has been something I have been wanting to do for a while but timing is everything and as I get older I see that phrase a little more clearly now. But yes, it's official! We have been to six different properties and we have seen some we like, love and totally hate!

 

I am not the traditional southern girl. I don't believe in waiting to co-habitat with someone when you are married, I respect those that do wait. But I need to know how you living before I sign on the dotted line. But that's just me!

 

So, hopefully by summer we can begin a life together as adults. I am so excited. Spending the night is so different than living with someone and I hope we will make it through lol I am very anal with the way I keep my house, and I hope he can transition....happy wife, happy life....well, maybe that phrase will be official sooner than later but you guys get what I am saying.

 

This has been a very fun experience thus far. Not only have we checked out new places, but we have discussed décor options and you know I have been looking to purchase new furniture. Honey honestly always allows me free range to do all of these things, his only request is that I don't make it too girly...once again, I remind him I am not the traditional southern girl who has to be all matchy matchy...not my style at all. I am/we are more contemporary and modern. We have been watching a lot of HGtv and getting ideas on some diy things that we can do to make our space one of a kind and our own.

 

However, I have found some furniture that he and I will like that has a metro feel to it. And I guess once we officially decide on them, I will do post about our place and the décor we chose to go with. One item that I have to make is a shot ski! I don't drink like that but I think that would be so cool to have for when we have gatherings. And if you don't know what a shot ski is, then maybe we will invite you over to use ours! lol

 

Right now though.....Life is amazing and I am on cloud 9.

Hiatus

 

So, unfortunately I have had roughly about a two month hiatus from my blog but with good reason. A lot has been going on in my personal life and honestly...I just haven't had the time to write....better yet, made the time to write. (I won't sugar coat it because I am a firm believer that people make time for the things that are important to them.)

 

Anyway to update you guys, I enjoyed the Chris Brown concert! I screamed like a young high school girl in heat! I danced and sung all the songs along with my girlfriend Bre! You can see us pictured together in the bottom left corner as well as at the top with some of my friends I saw there. And you can definitely see BREEZY in the middle...with the tightest jeans he owns on! Insert scream right about...............HERE! It was a very good BUT short show....I guess since Trey Songz backed out, it was shorter than what it would have been.....not pressed because I didn't want to see him anyway. I wasn't a fan of Tyga (Who may or may not date a child....lol) but he was full of energy which made the show really good.

 

Honey and I have been hanging out with friends lately and we just added another couple friend to our list. Remember way back when, when I told you guys about my very first friend? Well we have been in contact and even got our beau's together for a night of hanging out....couples edition. And we are pictured together at the top. It's really nice meeting positive and upbeat people and in my case I guess I have always known her....we just started back talking...but you get what I am saying.

 

My dad and I went on a daddy/daughter date rock climbing and boy was the funny! Of course I climbed to the top of everything minus one wall because I just cannot figure out how to maneuver that one. But my dad was so funny to watch because that was his first time. I really enjoyed that day and I want to do more things like that with my parents. I really don't see my mom doing the whole rock climbing bid but if she does I am definitely documenting it and posting it on here! lol

 

Unfortunately everything was all smiles and laughs on my hiatus from the blog. One of the three Great Grandmothers that I have passed away. (The poem pictured is one that I read at her service) I hadn't seen her in a long time and about two to three weeks before she passed, God provided an opportunity for me to see and talk to her as well has some of my aunt's I have not seen in awhile. That was nothing but a blessing! I am so glad that I had that opportunity to spend that small amount of time with her. On a lighter note, I showed her a picture of Honey and she said, "He is CUTE!" LOL I died laughing but then came back and made a joke, telling her to not to try to steal him away from me lol We all laughed. I only wish he wasn't away on business the two weeks following, so I could bring him to meet her. But I know she sees him now and hopefully she likes him.

 

I also was afforded the opportunity to showcase my event planning skills in this expo! Which is the photo of the mock sweetheart table. I am the preferred event planner at a event hall! Whoop whoop! Go head with my bad self! And I am working on a second. My business has been flourishing and I am nothing but blessed! However, I did also pick up a part-time Counseling position....might as well use my degree! lol

 

And this past weekend I hung out with some ladies that brought me out of my shell in college. I talk about my fairy blog mother and business guru on here and she has finally reached some of her goals in life and that was the cause of the celebration/reunion. I love each of these women ever so much! We may not talk all the time, but when we get together you would never know! I am so proud of the women we have become and the women we will be destined to be. Love you ladies with all my heart! We all are pictured in the top left corner......and actually that is an amazing candid shot, so no we didn't know Alisha was taking that pic in the back!.....once we realized it, we may or may not have retaken it! LOL Mind yall's business and let us be GREAT!

 

So as you can see my hiatus was needed. And a lot has happened but for blog purposes I will keep it cute!

 

One Love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Counting Calories

 

 

 

 

Is this a normal life? Counting calories that is. I am on my own personal weight loss journey because your girl has gained some weight! I want to live a healthy lifestyle free from all the nasty food's of the world like, a burger tray from Cookout with cajun fries & hush puppies; Cinnabon's...the large ones cause if you're going to do it...do it right; Cake batter and sprinkles from Cold Stone......Let me stop because I am currently on edge and about to go warm the car up.*smh*

 

But I have done very well. I haven't had all those things in awhile....well....I did have some cold stone last week because Honey's mom had a coupon and I mean it would be terrible to waste the coupon especially when it was such a good deal.....that's how I ease my mind about indulging and being weak in that moment of time lol

 

So back to counting calories...is that really effective? I don't want to be one of those food obsessed health fanatics....you know the ones that are so annoying, checking labels and adding up points for their weight watchers class. Nothing wrong with weight watchers, that's just not my style.

 

I just want to workout, eat right and be able to wear crop tops by summer...I don't think that is too much to ask for. But then again this is coming from someone who was asked by her trainer what she wanted to work on and I gave her a list as if I were ordering off a menu! I was like, I want toned arms; a thigh gap; toned legs; a flat stomach and non-existent love handles; my bottom toned....oh and my face slimmer.....and that was verbatim.

 

But for the ones who have this clean eating workout feign thing down, can you please share your regimen or give me some tips? I can tell you I want to lose 20lbs by June and that is a feasible accomplishment but I need some extra tips or advice.

 

Thanks Ya'll!!  

 



Just How Far Can Kindness Go?

 

 

Honey and I are looking for a church home and we visited a church that we had visited a few months ago. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves at this church today, not only because the atmosphere, but the message was one that we both needed to hear.

 

The message was all about putting yourself in situations where you can be a light in someone else's life. In our daily life, we often disregard others and only think about ourselves and how we can elevate ourselves to get ahead. But what if we actually stop and be a blessing in someone's life? Just imagine how many people could thrive off of that! I for one love to help others when I can (I get a thrill of seeing others happy), so you gain satisfaction in knowing that you've helped someone and the one who received the blessing, which would be satisfying to them.

 

To go deeper in the message, the Pastor spoke about not cutting people off who don't live a life or do things that coincide with your beliefs. I know we have all been there...I cannot be the only one! But even if you won't admit it, I will. There have been times where I have looked down or completely shunned some people for various things that I wouldn't do. Was I wrong with looking down on them? Absolutely! I am not better than anyone and because they live a life or conduct themselves in a manner that is not appealing to me and the way I live my life, gives me no reason to look down on them. However, I am not saying you should continue to be apart of their lives if it is not conducive to you. Meaning, if you are in harms way or it is morally too much for you, keep it moving and love them from a distance. But for the cases that they just may need to get through whatever situation they are experiencing, continue to be that good influence in their life.

 

The Pastor also expressed that we should have open minds and put ourselves in situations that we normally wouldn't just to reach others and show them genuine acts of kindness (of course I am paraphrasing...you can get the picture). But he used the example of him not participating in his neighborhood events in the past and or not mingling with non-believers etc. He saw that this was an error on his behalf because he is supposed to be a fisher of men and for him to be too busy or thinking that certain people are not deserving, was a big problem because those were missed opportunities to show how Jesus lives within him. 

 

This message resonated with for many reasons and a challenge was issued at the end of the message that I have accepted and I challenge you, the reader....you don't have to believe what I have said thus far but you will see how this challenge is universal....this week as you're conducting your everyday life, take some time out of your day and practice being kind to someone you normally wouldn't. A simple compliment, say excuse me more often, or even just start a conversation...these small things can go a long way for someone who really needs it.

 

Tell me something you have done as an act of kindness or tell me your thoughts on the sermon....mind you that was a condensed reader friendly version :-)

QUESTION: Can You Ever Really Escape Your Past?

Past: Gone by in time; no longer existing.

You would think the past is just that, The. Past. But unfortunately, people don't like to let you forget your hiccups in life. And in other cases, we won't let go of our past. I mean everyone has a past and if you don't think you do, you haven't grown out of your past....

My question is simple, yet complex all at the same time. Let me break it down...as you can see above is the definition of the word "Past", it is something that has gone by (past tense) in time which in other words means, no longer existing. Now if something is past tense, that means it's already happened/ taken place, it's outdated and it may or may not even be relevant anymore.

 Having said that, why do you think people hold on to the past of other's? And better yet, why can't we let ourselves free from our past and know that, that was just a stage in our lives and not who we are?

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments.

Queen

Author: Unknown

Sometimes you'll just be too much woman.

Too smart, too sexy, too strong.

Too bold, too beautiful, too real.

Too much of something that makes a man feel like less of a man,

which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a woman to be with that man.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a woman is removing jewels from your crown to make it easier for a man to carry.

You do not need a smaller crown.

You need a man with bigger hands.

 

I am not sure who wrote the poem that's above, but what I do know the truth that lies behind it. In today's society, women endure a lot. And if you are a woman of color, you endure the most out of any other woman (my opinion)...but I am not writing about the different races of women and who has the hardest trials to deal with in life, because we all have our struggles. This blog is about uniting women. All women. We need a lot more of that these days.

 

These days, I just want to uplift each other, everyone is a phenomenal woman in her own way. For a long time I wouldn't let my light shine because I wanted to fit in with a certain group of people. And I have been guilty of dulling my light for the likes of a man or should I say boy, because I real man will never allow you to dull your light for him. Now I am not ashamed of these things because its something that I had to learn on my own. At my own time. When I was ready. You get the picture.

 

My Story

I was in a relationship that was toxic. We were oil and water but since that's all we knew, we stuck with it. I always say I never really had the freshman college experience because I was consumed with what he was doing and I didn't want to stray to far away from him. I dimmed my light so much to the point that I wasn't the fun loving, easy going person I had once been. I wasn't out going, I had lost my edge. I quit the cheerleading squad two days before the first game (even though I only had to tryout the first day, because I made the team...the first day!!! This is college cheerleading...I dreamed of this) because I wouldn't be able to go home as I pleased...basically to see him. All I have to say is hind sight is 20/20.

 

There is a lot more to this story about "him" but I'll keep it very cute and simply say, I got tired! I got tired of being alone in my dorm room when my friends were out having fun. I got tired of not doing the things I wanted to do because I was afraid I wouldn't gain acceptance. And I was tired of dulling my light down to make someone else feel like he was "the man"....PLEASE!

 

One day I looked in the mirror and I realized the woman I wanted to be and I realized that I was the only one who could hold me back from becoming that phenomenal woman who shines so bright. I will never dull my light again for anyone. Male. Female. It doesn't matter who the person is.

 

I am no therapist, psychologist, shrink...whatever you want to say, and I don't have all the answers out of life or maybe even in this topic but what I do know is that I will always be true to myself. I want every woman out here to know that she is worth it. She is worth whatever she envisions, desires for herself or wants. You don't have to let your light be dimmed for a man or anyone else who wants to shade your shine.

 

We are all Queens and we all have phenomenal traits and attributes to relinquish upon society in our own way. We just need to look deep within ourselves and each other to allow our lights to shine.

 

I hope you let your light shine and if you see someone else dimming their light to fit into a situation, instead of overlooking her, take her by the hand and encourage her. Tell her how bright her light can be. And if you don't have the words to say it, direct her to this blog. I am currently in the business of encouraging.

 

 



 

 



No Apologies

 

Have you ever walked on egg shells for someone? I have and let me tell you, it's not a great feeling at all. It's like you can't really be yourself and allow your inner light to shine. I am the type of person that does not want to hurt or offend anyone. That's not my steez, style....it's just not me.

Well in some of my blogs, I have had more than one person check with me to see if I were speaking of them and I guess that comes along with the territory when you freely write and publish your thoughts. I was ready for that, I am not a confrontational person but I am a straight shooter and if there is an issue, I will almost always address the situation....if it bothers me.

I am not new to this writing thing, however, I am new to this blogging thing and at times I find myself censoring my thoughts and even some of my blog topics. Partially because I don't want to offend anyone with my views or opinions on certain topics and really, I just don't want to seem weird. But after my conversation with my Fairy Blog Mother....I am sure she is tired of me calling her that, but to be honest....she is. Checkout her blog out at The Alisha Nicole She has encouraged me beyond measure and I appreciate her for that. (SHAMELESS PLUG) Who knew five years after college she would have a successful mega brand and I would be following in her footsteps.

But back on topic, I have decided today that if my content or thoughts offend people or you find it unappealing...please excuse yourself. I am no longer walking on egg shells for anyone and just like a blogger I just met said in one of her recent blogs, I have a voice now and it won't be silenced. (WhoIsAmberJanae? ) After reading her latest blog post and listening to Alisha, my fairy blog mother....(I think at this point I just like saying that lol) I have decided to voice my opinion's freely because, this blogging stuff has seriously become a therapeutic outlet for me.

I hope I don't sound too abrasive but this has been a long time coming and I appreciate EVERYONE who takes time out of their day to read my thoughts and opinions, so don't get me wrong at all. But this is what truly makes me happy and these days....that is seriously all I want to be.

I send everyone love & light...

Happy Birthday To the First Man I Ever Loved

I am the only child coming out of a typical two parent home. On the outside looking in, we are the typical Black American family. But on the inside, my parents are my best friends and I feel like its us against the world. There is nothing really out the ordinary about us....well there is a fun fact I love telling people about us....my mother and father are only children as well. So you can imagine the irony in that.

Today the first man I ever loved was born. I won't display is age, even though I am sure he wouldn't care and the fact that black don't crack! tehehe

I am completely thankful for this man and all that he does for me and my mother. Some of you are like, "well he is a dad, that's his job" or some don't even know the feeling of having a dad but now that I am old enough to reflect back on how I got here and the circumstances my parents were under, it truly is a blessing that I had this amazing influence of a man in my life.

My parents had me when they were 21 and in the 80's (This always amazes me, because I reflect back to when I was 21...and lets just say I was in the club turning up on a Tuesday...LITERALLY). They were not married and really weren't in a position to have a child, as they both still lived with their parents and were babies themselves. I am sure they went through struggles and I am sure they would never tell me about them, but what I do know is that I grew up with parents and family that loved me and I never went without.

I am thankful for my mother because she ultimately brought me into the world and gave me a chance at life, but I am very thankful for my dad because in a time where it could have been so easy for him to leave us, he didn't. Not taking away from my mother at all, but today is my dad's birthday and I want to let him know I feel about him (I often don't have the words to express myself, but I can write it for days).

I am sure he had dreams and goals for his life, but he put my life and well being before any of that. He may not be perfect, but who is? But he has been the perfect Father, Dad, Faja and Jed (his nickname I often call him) to me. I am truly thankful because I have someone to show me how a man is supposed to treat a woman. And to this day, I do not accept anything less of what my father would do or treat me from a man. I am thankful for that. I am thankful he called me Princess and he made up songs to sing to me when he came home from work. And the fact that he still brings me a stuffed animal when I am sick.

 He also taught/teaches me varies things so I won't have to depend on a man. And at the time he was teaching me about my car, I didn't want to listen but now I am thankful for those times because I am a very independent person (who knows more about cars than Honey but don't tell him lol).

When I was younger I was a bit of a tomboy, I played basketball and even watched it. I remember going out for basketball and my dad took me down to the park and taught me how to shoot and dribble, when we had softball intermurals at school, he took me out and showed me how to swing and hit a ball. When he was in high school he played baseball so this was up his alley. These were all times when he worked long tiring hours, but he always had time to spend with me.

In my early developmental years, my mom had to be at work early and that left me and dad to fend for ourselves and this meant he had to get me dressed and DO MY HAIR! My dad is the best hair dresser ever. He had not mastered little girls hair until he got practice every morning for some odd years. He did however master the plat, not the braid but never the less I never left the house looking crazy. It was the best time looking back on it now, I got to eat whatever I wanted for breakfast and I think he only did this to save time and arguments.


I remember when we lived in an apartment on Parker St., I was the happiest little girl ever! I didn't realize it then, but looking back I remember my dad working different jobs trying to provide for us the best way he knew how. He is the hardest working man I know, and I think that's where I get my drive to succeed from. My father didn't have the opportunity to go to college because he had a young daughter to provide for, so I made it my purpose to go to college and graduate for both of my parents. I always tell them the diploma and the degree I received is theirs and when I moved out the house, they stayed there with them because I did that for them.

In the early 90's we moved into our very first house! This was an amazing accomplishment for young 20 something's with a child and we live here to this day. They've talked about moving, but I wouldn't dare leave this place. It means way much to me, this house represents that with hard work, dedication and due diligence (as he likes to tell me all the time) you can accomplish anything.

My dad is a living testimony of how you can pull yourself up by your boot straps and make something out of yourself when life hands you a curve ball and in his case I was the curve ball lol Today he is a successful Realtor, father and friend. I wouldn't take anything for my dad. I have so many stories of how great of a man and dad he is but something's I want to keep private, you get the jest anyway.

I have a tattoo of my dad's name over my heart, and a lot of my friend's and people in general ask me why I got it and I simply respond, "He is my heart".

Having said all of this, I want to wish my first love, my father and friend a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And I wish you many more.

If you have an amazing dad or your child has an amazing dad, shout them out! Let's celebrate amazing Father's!

This lady was so nosy!! lol but here we were at a baseball game

50 Shades of NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN

In 2011 when the 50 Shades of Grey mayhem began, I was so against it. I had all of my coworkers circulating the books around calling it "Mommy Porn" and I wanted no parts of it. I am not the type who likes to jump on a bandwagon simply because everyone likes it or says its good.

I had kept up this trend for nearly four whole years until I visited my Aunt and she was raving about the series and how I should read the books. She made me take them home with me and promise that I would read them. She said I wouldn't be able to put it down....and she was right!

I was intrigued to say the least and if you read the book, I am sure I don't need to tell you why! lol So I read the trilogy within a two month span and was eager to see how the movie would play out. I am a BIG movie buff so this was perfect and terrible all rolled up in one. Perfect because I would get to see who they cast as the characters and see it actually played out and then it was terrible because when you read books the beauty of it is in your imagination and to see it played out on the big screen often takes away from your experience.

So this past Friday, I went to the movies to see it with one of my girlfriend's....no need to take the boys because they would ultimately ruin the lust we bottled up lol

I was surprised to see such young girls in the movie with their girlfriends looking High School age and maybe that's because the naughty books I read in High School were concealed from my parents (until now...because my mom reads my blog) and this book is known for its raunchiness.

So this is the reason for the title...

I know you are thinking where is she going with this blog and its title? Well here it is...like I do every morning I read yahoo news, and I also read different life columns...I like to read. But I came across an excerpt from a dad whose college age daughter and friends were hyped about the movie and were excited to see if because they read the books. Now he hadn't read the books but knew the storyline like everyone else in America and abroad. He had some great advice for his daughter and her friends and in which he told them that Christian Grey is fictional character and that they may never meet a young, hot billionaire that will wine and dine them. And that the mere thought that they could ever be Anastasia Steele is absurd and that you can never change a man.

Now this sounds all brash and blunt and he didn't quite say it like that but that's the jest of it. And that made me think....

I am a realist, I don't confuse "what is" from "I think it should be". And sadly most people do this. So after reading his excerpt, I just thought about all the people who really think that they can change a person to be who they think they want. This book is great "mommy porn" but I would never take any of this to be realistic. And I think its important for young ladies to know this.

If a man shows you who he is, (women too) BELIEVE him the first time. He is never going to change. A leopard can never change its spots....remember that.

Just like Ana, she wanted Christian so badly even though he told her "I am no good for you", that she ended up causing herself pain. She was willing to go outside her box and do things she was not comfortable with to please someone who didn't give her the nurturing and respect she needed. Yes, he wined and dined her but it was all at a cost. And I won't go into detail for those who are just movie goers and have not read the book but, ultimately it cost her, her freedom. The freedom to move and go without stipulation. As well as fully knowing that he cared about her and most importantly where they stood.

Moving away from the book and back into real life, we have all tried to mold someone or thought we could be the girl to change this man, make him a better person....the person we need him to be. And this thought process is all wrong. A man will never be the person you need him to be if you are not the girl he is willing to change for. Men can and will change and become a better man, a faithful man and a God fearing man, but he won't do it for you if you are not the one.

Do not keep on chasing, and wishing this man will change and be something he is not because you will only waste your time and ultimately your feelings will be hurt. My favorite saying is, "everything will work itself out just the way it is supposed to be" and if you live by this, I promise your outlook and world will be so much better.

So your dream man may be a Christian Grey, and you can continue to chase after something that will never be or you can let that idea you have in your head go and gain knowledge of yourself, your self worth, and a man that completely shames your "Christian Grey" but you will never know if you continue to bury your head in the sand and never come up to see the beach.

Please leave comments of your thoughts about the blog or the movie....LET'S CHAT!