Is this a normal life? Counting calories that is. I am on my own personal weight loss journey because your girl has gained some weight! I want to live a healthy lifestyle free from all the nasty food's of the world like, a burger tray from Cookout with cajun fries & hush puppies; Cinnabon's...the large ones cause if you're going to do it...do it right; Cake batter and sprinkles from Cold Stone......Let me stop because I am currently on edge and about to go warm the car up.*smh*

 

But I have done very well. I haven't had all those things in awhile....well....I did have some cold stone last week because Honey's mom had a coupon and I mean it would be terrible to waste the coupon especially when it was such a good deal.....that's how I ease my mind about indulging and being weak in that moment of time lol

 

So back to counting calories...is that really effective? I don't want to be one of those food obsessed health fanatics....you know the ones that are so annoying, checking labels and adding up points for their weight watchers class. Nothing wrong with weight watchers, that's just not my style.

 

I just want to workout, eat right and be able to wear crop tops by summer...I don't think that is too much to ask for. But then again this is coming from someone who was asked by her trainer what she wanted to work on and I gave her a list as if I were ordering off a menu! I was like, I want toned arms; a thigh gap; toned legs; a flat stomach and non-existent love handles; my bottom toned....oh and my face slimmer.....and that was verbatim.

 

But for the ones who have this clean eating workout feign thing down, can you please share your regimen or give me some tips? I can tell you I want to lose 20lbs by June and that is a feasible accomplishment but I need some extra tips or advice.

 

Thanks Ya'll!!  

 



Just How Far Can Kindness Go?

 

 

Honey and I are looking for a church home and we visited a church that we had visited a few months ago. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves at this church today, not only because the atmosphere, but the message was one that we both needed to hear.

 

The message was all about putting yourself in situations where you can be a light in someone else's life. In our daily life, we often disregard others and only think about ourselves and how we can elevate ourselves to get ahead. But what if we actually stop and be a blessing in someone's life? Just imagine how many people could thrive off of that! I for one love to help others when I can (I get a thrill of seeing others happy), so you gain satisfaction in knowing that you've helped someone and the one who received the blessing, which would be satisfying to them.

 

To go deeper in the message, the Pastor spoke about not cutting people off who don't live a life or do things that coincide with your beliefs. I know we have all been there...I cannot be the only one! But even if you won't admit it, I will. There have been times where I have looked down or completely shunned some people for various things that I wouldn't do. Was I wrong with looking down on them? Absolutely! I am not better than anyone and because they live a life or conduct themselves in a manner that is not appealing to me and the way I live my life, gives me no reason to look down on them. However, I am not saying you should continue to be apart of their lives if it is not conducive to you. Meaning, if you are in harms way or it is morally too much for you, keep it moving and love them from a distance. But for the cases that they just may need to get through whatever situation they are experiencing, continue to be that good influence in their life.

 

The Pastor also expressed that we should have open minds and put ourselves in situations that we normally wouldn't just to reach others and show them genuine acts of kindness (of course I am paraphrasing...you can get the picture). But he used the example of him not participating in his neighborhood events in the past and or not mingling with non-believers etc. He saw that this was an error on his behalf because he is supposed to be a fisher of men and for him to be too busy or thinking that certain people are not deserving, was a big problem because those were missed opportunities to show how Jesus lives within him. 

 

This message resonated with for many reasons and a challenge was issued at the end of the message that I have accepted and I challenge you, the reader....you don't have to believe what I have said thus far but you will see how this challenge is universal....this week as you're conducting your everyday life, take some time out of your day and practice being kind to someone you normally wouldn't. A simple compliment, say excuse me more often, or even just start a conversation...these small things can go a long way for someone who really needs it.

 

Tell me something you have done as an act of kindness or tell me your thoughts on the sermon....mind you that was a condensed reader friendly version :-)

QUESTION: Can You Ever Really Escape Your Past?

Past: Gone by in time; no longer existing.

You would think the past is just that, The. Past. But unfortunately, people don't like to let you forget your hiccups in life. And in other cases, we won't let go of our past. I mean everyone has a past and if you don't think you do, you haven't grown out of your past....

My question is simple, yet complex all at the same time. Let me break it down...as you can see above is the definition of the word "Past", it is something that has gone by (past tense) in time which in other words means, no longer existing. Now if something is past tense, that means it's already happened/ taken place, it's outdated and it may or may not even be relevant anymore.

 Having said that, why do you think people hold on to the past of other's? And better yet, why can't we let ourselves free from our past and know that, that was just a stage in our lives and not who we are?

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments.

Queen

Author: Unknown

Sometimes you'll just be too much woman.

Too smart, too sexy, too strong.

Too bold, too beautiful, too real.

Too much of something that makes a man feel like less of a man,

which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a woman to be with that man.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a woman is removing jewels from your crown to make it easier for a man to carry.

You do not need a smaller crown.

You need a man with bigger hands.

 

I am not sure who wrote the poem that's above, but what I do know the truth that lies behind it. In today's society, women endure a lot. And if you are a woman of color, you endure the most out of any other woman (my opinion)...but I am not writing about the different races of women and who has the hardest trials to deal with in life, because we all have our struggles. This blog is about uniting women. All women. We need a lot more of that these days.

 

These days, I just want to uplift each other, everyone is a phenomenal woman in her own way. For a long time I wouldn't let my light shine because I wanted to fit in with a certain group of people. And I have been guilty of dulling my light for the likes of a man or should I say boy, because I real man will never allow you to dull your light for him. Now I am not ashamed of these things because its something that I had to learn on my own. At my own time. When I was ready. You get the picture.

 

My Story

I was in a relationship that was toxic. We were oil and water but since that's all we knew, we stuck with it. I always say I never really had the freshman college experience because I was consumed with what he was doing and I didn't want to stray to far away from him. I dimmed my light so much to the point that I wasn't the fun loving, easy going person I had once been. I wasn't out going, I had lost my edge. I quit the cheerleading squad two days before the first game (even though I only had to tryout the first day, because I made the team...the first day!!! This is college cheerleading...I dreamed of this) because I wouldn't be able to go home as I pleased...basically to see him. All I have to say is hind sight is 20/20.

 

There is a lot more to this story about "him" but I'll keep it very cute and simply say, I got tired! I got tired of being alone in my dorm room when my friends were out having fun. I got tired of not doing the things I wanted to do because I was afraid I wouldn't gain acceptance. And I was tired of dulling my light down to make someone else feel like he was "the man"....PLEASE!

 

One day I looked in the mirror and I realized the woman I wanted to be and I realized that I was the only one who could hold me back from becoming that phenomenal woman who shines so bright. I will never dull my light again for anyone. Male. Female. It doesn't matter who the person is.

 

I am no therapist, psychologist, shrink...whatever you want to say, and I don't have all the answers out of life or maybe even in this topic but what I do know is that I will always be true to myself. I want every woman out here to know that she is worth it. She is worth whatever she envisions, desires for herself or wants. You don't have to let your light be dimmed for a man or anyone else who wants to shade your shine.

 

We are all Queens and we all have phenomenal traits and attributes to relinquish upon society in our own way. We just need to look deep within ourselves and each other to allow our lights to shine.

 

I hope you let your light shine and if you see someone else dimming their light to fit into a situation, instead of overlooking her, take her by the hand and encourage her. Tell her how bright her light can be. And if you don't have the words to say it, direct her to this blog. I am currently in the business of encouraging.

 

 



 

 



No Apologies

 

Have you ever walked on egg shells for someone? I have and let me tell you, it's not a great feeling at all. It's like you can't really be yourself and allow your inner light to shine. I am the type of person that does not want to hurt or offend anyone. That's not my steez, style....it's just not me.

Well in some of my blogs, I have had more than one person check with me to see if I were speaking of them and I guess that comes along with the territory when you freely write and publish your thoughts. I was ready for that, I am not a confrontational person but I am a straight shooter and if there is an issue, I will almost always address the situation....if it bothers me.

I am not new to this writing thing, however, I am new to this blogging thing and at times I find myself censoring my thoughts and even some of my blog topics. Partially because I don't want to offend anyone with my views or opinions on certain topics and really, I just don't want to seem weird. But after my conversation with my Fairy Blog Mother....I am sure she is tired of me calling her that, but to be honest....she is. Checkout her blog out at The Alisha Nicole She has encouraged me beyond measure and I appreciate her for that. (SHAMELESS PLUG) Who knew five years after college she would have a successful mega brand and I would be following in her footsteps.

But back on topic, I have decided today that if my content or thoughts offend people or you find it unappealing...please excuse yourself. I am no longer walking on egg shells for anyone and just like a blogger I just met said in one of her recent blogs, I have a voice now and it won't be silenced. (WhoIsAmberJanae? ) After reading her latest blog post and listening to Alisha, my fairy blog mother....(I think at this point I just like saying that lol) I have decided to voice my opinion's freely because, this blogging stuff has seriously become a therapeutic outlet for me.

I hope I don't sound too abrasive but this has been a long time coming and I appreciate EVERYONE who takes time out of their day to read my thoughts and opinions, so don't get me wrong at all. But this is what truly makes me happy and these days....that is seriously all I want to be.

I send everyone love & light...

Happy Birthday To the First Man I Ever Loved

I am the only child coming out of a typical two parent home. On the outside looking in, we are the typical Black American family. But on the inside, my parents are my best friends and I feel like its us against the world. There is nothing really out the ordinary about us....well there is a fun fact I love telling people about us....my mother and father are only children as well. So you can imagine the irony in that.

Today the first man I ever loved was born. I won't display is age, even though I am sure he wouldn't care and the fact that black don't crack! tehehe

I am completely thankful for this man and all that he does for me and my mother. Some of you are like, "well he is a dad, that's his job" or some don't even know the feeling of having a dad but now that I am old enough to reflect back on how I got here and the circumstances my parents were under, it truly is a blessing that I had this amazing influence of a man in my life.

My parents had me when they were 21 and in the 80's (This always amazes me, because I reflect back to when I was 21...and lets just say I was in the club turning up on a Tuesday...LITERALLY). They were not married and really weren't in a position to have a child, as they both still lived with their parents and were babies themselves. I am sure they went through struggles and I am sure they would never tell me about them, but what I do know is that I grew up with parents and family that loved me and I never went without.

I am thankful for my mother because she ultimately brought me into the world and gave me a chance at life, but I am very thankful for my dad because in a time where it could have been so easy for him to leave us, he didn't. Not taking away from my mother at all, but today is my dad's birthday and I want to let him know I feel about him (I often don't have the words to express myself, but I can write it for days).

I am sure he had dreams and goals for his life, but he put my life and well being before any of that. He may not be perfect, but who is? But he has been the perfect Father, Dad, Faja and Jed (his nickname I often call him) to me. I am truly thankful because I have someone to show me how a man is supposed to treat a woman. And to this day, I do not accept anything less of what my father would do or treat me from a man. I am thankful for that. I am thankful he called me Princess and he made up songs to sing to me when he came home from work. And the fact that he still brings me a stuffed animal when I am sick.

 He also taught/teaches me varies things so I won't have to depend on a man. And at the time he was teaching me about my car, I didn't want to listen but now I am thankful for those times because I am a very independent person (who knows more about cars than Honey but don't tell him lol).

When I was younger I was a bit of a tomboy, I played basketball and even watched it. I remember going out for basketball and my dad took me down to the park and taught me how to shoot and dribble, when we had softball intermurals at school, he took me out and showed me how to swing and hit a ball. When he was in high school he played baseball so this was up his alley. These were all times when he worked long tiring hours, but he always had time to spend with me.

In my early developmental years, my mom had to be at work early and that left me and dad to fend for ourselves and this meant he had to get me dressed and DO MY HAIR! My dad is the best hair dresser ever. He had not mastered little girls hair until he got practice every morning for some odd years. He did however master the plat, not the braid but never the less I never left the house looking crazy. It was the best time looking back on it now, I got to eat whatever I wanted for breakfast and I think he only did this to save time and arguments.


I remember when we lived in an apartment on Parker St., I was the happiest little girl ever! I didn't realize it then, but looking back I remember my dad working different jobs trying to provide for us the best way he knew how. He is the hardest working man I know, and I think that's where I get my drive to succeed from. My father didn't have the opportunity to go to college because he had a young daughter to provide for, so I made it my purpose to go to college and graduate for both of my parents. I always tell them the diploma and the degree I received is theirs and when I moved out the house, they stayed there with them because I did that for them.

In the early 90's we moved into our very first house! This was an amazing accomplishment for young 20 something's with a child and we live here to this day. They've talked about moving, but I wouldn't dare leave this place. It means way much to me, this house represents that with hard work, dedication and due diligence (as he likes to tell me all the time) you can accomplish anything.

My dad is a living testimony of how you can pull yourself up by your boot straps and make something out of yourself when life hands you a curve ball and in his case I was the curve ball lol Today he is a successful Realtor, father and friend. I wouldn't take anything for my dad. I have so many stories of how great of a man and dad he is but something's I want to keep private, you get the jest anyway.

I have a tattoo of my dad's name over my heart, and a lot of my friend's and people in general ask me why I got it and I simply respond, "He is my heart".

Having said all of this, I want to wish my first love, my father and friend a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And I wish you many more.

If you have an amazing dad or your child has an amazing dad, shout them out! Let's celebrate amazing Father's!

This lady was so nosy!! lol but here we were at a baseball game

50 Shades of NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN

In 2011 when the 50 Shades of Grey mayhem began, I was so against it. I had all of my coworkers circulating the books around calling it "Mommy Porn" and I wanted no parts of it. I am not the type who likes to jump on a bandwagon simply because everyone likes it or says its good.

I had kept up this trend for nearly four whole years until I visited my Aunt and she was raving about the series and how I should read the books. She made me take them home with me and promise that I would read them. She said I wouldn't be able to put it down....and she was right!

I was intrigued to say the least and if you read the book, I am sure I don't need to tell you why! lol So I read the trilogy within a two month span and was eager to see how the movie would play out. I am a BIG movie buff so this was perfect and terrible all rolled up in one. Perfect because I would get to see who they cast as the characters and see it actually played out and then it was terrible because when you read books the beauty of it is in your imagination and to see it played out on the big screen often takes away from your experience.

So this past Friday, I went to the movies to see it with one of my girlfriend's....no need to take the boys because they would ultimately ruin the lust we bottled up lol

I was surprised to see such young girls in the movie with their girlfriends looking High School age and maybe that's because the naughty books I read in High School were concealed from my parents (until now...because my mom reads my blog) and this book is known for its raunchiness.

So this is the reason for the title...

I know you are thinking where is she going with this blog and its title? Well here it is...like I do every morning I read yahoo news, and I also read different life columns...I like to read. But I came across an excerpt from a dad whose college age daughter and friends were hyped about the movie and were excited to see if because they read the books. Now he hadn't read the books but knew the storyline like everyone else in America and abroad. He had some great advice for his daughter and her friends and in which he told them that Christian Grey is fictional character and that they may never meet a young, hot billionaire that will wine and dine them. And that the mere thought that they could ever be Anastasia Steele is absurd and that you can never change a man.

Now this sounds all brash and blunt and he didn't quite say it like that but that's the jest of it. And that made me think....

I am a realist, I don't confuse "what is" from "I think it should be". And sadly most people do this. So after reading his excerpt, I just thought about all the people who really think that they can change a person to be who they think they want. This book is great "mommy porn" but I would never take any of this to be realistic. And I think its important for young ladies to know this.

If a man shows you who he is, (women too) BELIEVE him the first time. He is never going to change. A leopard can never change its spots....remember that.

Just like Ana, she wanted Christian so badly even though he told her "I am no good for you", that she ended up causing herself pain. She was willing to go outside her box and do things she was not comfortable with to please someone who didn't give her the nurturing and respect she needed. Yes, he wined and dined her but it was all at a cost. And I won't go into detail for those who are just movie goers and have not read the book but, ultimately it cost her, her freedom. The freedom to move and go without stipulation. As well as fully knowing that he cared about her and most importantly where they stood.

Moving away from the book and back into real life, we have all tried to mold someone or thought we could be the girl to change this man, make him a better person....the person we need him to be. And this thought process is all wrong. A man will never be the person you need him to be if you are not the girl he is willing to change for. Men can and will change and become a better man, a faithful man and a God fearing man, but he won't do it for you if you are not the one.

Do not keep on chasing, and wishing this man will change and be something he is not because you will only waste your time and ultimately your feelings will be hurt. My favorite saying is, "everything will work itself out just the way it is supposed to be" and if you live by this, I promise your outlook and world will be so much better.

So your dream man may be a Christian Grey, and you can continue to chase after something that will never be or you can let that idea you have in your head go and gain knowledge of yourself, your self worth, and a man that completely shames your "Christian Grey" but you will never know if you continue to bury your head in the sand and never come up to see the beach.

Please leave comments of your thoughts about the blog or the movie....LET'S CHAT!